Returning to Knowing: My Journey Back Home

Name: Tara Pearce

Occupation: Creative Director

What inspired your psychedelic journey?

My journey didn’t start with psychedelics. It started long before I even knew what I was looking for, a pull toward something just out of reach. That search is what eventually led me to psychedelics. Let me fill you in…

I've always known there was more to life than what was in front of my eyes, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. As long as I can remember, I would constantly ask my dad, why are we here? What are déjà vus? Why do I feel things before they happen? What do my dreams mean, and why do they feel so real? I would watch him try to find the words to explain it to my ever-emerging curiosity, yet his answers never seemed to satisfy me. 

These questions continued evolving throughout my life. When I met my husband, they transformed into, is this really it? Where does creativity come from? What started as a simple question would spiral into hours of deep discussions about the universe, existence, and the mysteries beyond what we could see.

No matter how much I tried to settle into the ordinary, there was always a feeling that something more was waiting to be discovered.

That feeling eventually led me on a quest for answers, drawing me into meditation, shamanic guidance, studying Reiki, perused psychic development, joined a 12th-dimensional channeling group, a Buddhist silent retreat (where I unsuccessfully attempted to escape under the cover of darkness, a story for another time). I explored past life regressions, energy work, yoga, sound healing, breathwork, astral projection, lucid dreaming, and advanced visualisation techniques, each experience opening a doorway and expanding my understanding.

Yet, something still felt undiscovered.

Deep within me remained an undeniable urge, a profound knowing pushing me to venture further, to keep experiencing and discovering.

Then, one day, it surfaced.

It started as a quiet feeling, a knowing that didn’t quite make sense.

“I think I need to try magic mushrooms.”

The words felt strange coming out of my mouth. I looked at my husband, waiting for his reaction—maybe surprise, confusion, or even amusement. But the biggest surprise was my own. I had never touched hallucinogens before. This was new.

Still, the feeling was undeniable. Something had been pulling me toward this, nudging me to explore an experience I couldn’t quite explain. It wasn’t just curiosity. It felt like something deeper.

A calling.

What steps did you take to prepare your set and setting for your journey?

I knew this journey demanded research and careful preparation, especially given the topic's sensitive and profound nature. So I spent months researching, diving deep into forums, reading others’ trip reports, watching documentaries, and exploring books to understand how this works. As a naturally inquisitive person, I wanted to approach this journey with knowledge, intention, and careful preparation.

I explored different dosage levels, learning about thresholds and what would be considered a strong yet manageable experience for a first journey. I researched the different elements of music to support various phases of the journey, adjusted my diet, and researched meditation techniques to help ground myself before and during the experience.

More than anything, I focused on setting a clear intention. This wasn’t just about curiosity—it was about self-exploration and opening myself up to something greater. I wanted to create a safe, supportive space where I could fully surrender to the experience, no matter where it took me. But deep down, I was searching for something more. I wanted to finally learn the answers to my questions. 

Can you describe any transformative or meaningful experiences you had?

I had a psychedelic experience that defied words, a moment of profound transformation that reshaped my understanding of existence.

As I embarked on this inward journey, I slipped on my eye mask and let the music guide me. I quickly found myself immersed in an explosion of incredible colours, so vivid I could almost taste them. Mesmerised and filled with awe, I thought, "I could lie here and watch these for hours." The colours shifted effortlessly, transforming into intricate patterns and breathtaking works of art. "This is some light fun," I reassured myself.

And then, something shifted.

As my body melted into the couch, I felt myself dissolving. Reality slipped away, as if a veil had been lifted, and suddenly, I became the music, and the music became me. My physical form ceased to exist, replaced by pure, limitless energy. I was moving inward, deeper than I had ever journeyed before. It felt like coming home.

This home was beyond memory, beyond time, a place I had always known but somehow forgotten. Yet, it felt deeply familiar—not a memory, but something innate. A powerful recognition. I became love itself, infinite and boundless. No boundaries separated me from the universe, for I was the universe itself. At the same time, I witnessed the vast interconnectedness of all existence. Threads of connection stretched infinitely, showing how every star, every element of nature, every moment was woven together in perfect harmony.

I understood everything and nothing at once, not through words or concepts, but through deep, felt wisdom that existed beyond thought. It wasn’t something to grasp or analyse. It simply was. Every emotion surged through me at the same time. Joy, sorrow, peace and wonder flowed together, intertwined in divine rhythm. They did not overwhelm me or pull me in different directions. There was no resistance, no separation. They just were. And I was all of it.

At the core of this understanding was love, unconditional and all-encompassing. Not love as humans usually define it, but the fundamental force that binds all things. It wasn't something to be earned or given—it simply existed, embedded within our very being. It was the fabric of the universe, constant and ever-present.

I experienced profound moments of clarity, insights that felt familiar yet forgotten. They weren't new revelations, but echoes of truths deeply known. I wasn't discovering something for the first time; I was remembering.

Then, I was shown the vast potential within everyone, the boundless possibilities within us all. How our thoughts, words, feelings, and actions create our reality, shaping both our internal and external worlds. We are inseparable from the universe, simply experiencing itself in countless forms.

I realised how we’ve been conditioned into believing we're separate from one another, from nature, and from the world around us, limited in our potential. The truth is far grander—we are expansive, deeply interconnected, and powerful beyond measure. Within each of us lies an untapped potential waiting to be remembered and realised.

As I began to descend,  I settled into the afterglow, a space where my thoughts still had room to breathe, where the weight of reality hadn’t fully set in. Drawn by a quiet curiosity, I stepped outside. What would the night sky look like now?

As I gazed up, the only way to describe what I saw was as if I had put on 3D glasses with the intensity cranked up tenfold. The sky was alive—so close, so deep, so magical. The vastness of space felt impossibly intimate.

In that moment, every question I had was answered. There was nothing left to seek—or so it seemed. Yet, in that profound experience, absolute clarity was mine.

Thank you, I told the universe.

What challenges did you face during or after your experience?

One of the biggest challenges I faced after my experience was learning how to live in harmony with the truth I had remembered. Seeing the limitless potential within every being while also witnessing suffering, inequality, and unconsciousness in the world was a lot to process. The contrast between what is and what could be felt overwhelming at times.

My integration journey is still unfolding, and a big part of it is staying connected to what I have learned. It is so easy to get pulled back into the grind of daily life, to slip into old habits, distractions, and conditioning. The challenge is not just remembering what I experienced but embodying that wisdom, keeping it alive even when the world tries to pull me away from it.

The biggest lesson from this experience was the realisation that we each hold limitless power within us. Everyone is on their own journey, moving at their own pace. I realised the most powerful thing I could do was embody what I had experienced, to live in alignment with love, presence, and creation.

I also had to come to terms with the idea that contrast itself serves a purpose. The duality, the light and dark, the conscious and unconscious, is what allows us to grow, learn, and awaken. Rather than resisting or grieving the state of the world, I found peace in knowing that true change always starts within.

How has this experience impacted your life?

This experience has profoundly shifted my life in ways I never could have imagined. My mindset, relationships, spirituality, and creativity have all evolved as I continue to integrate the wisdom I uncovered. I no longer see life through the same lens. I feel more connected, more present, and more in tune with the universal energy that flows through all things.

Life feels more fluid, and I trust the unfolding of events in a way I never did before. Challenges no longer feel like obstacles but invitations to grow. I no longer cling to certainty. Instead, I embrace the mystery, knowing that every moment, whether joyful or difficult, is part of a greater unfolding. There is a deep peace in surrendering to this flow, in allowing life to guide me rather than resisting its currents.

The real work is remembering that everything I need is already within me and, that being in love is the most powerful way to exist. Even knowing this, my human mind still struggles to fully grasp it. Some days, I embody this truth effortlessly. Other days, I forget and fall back into old patterns, searching outside myself for answers I already hold. But each time I return to this knowing, it lands deeper, and that, in itself, is the journey.

What practices helped you integrate your experience?

A few key practices have been essential in helping me integrate my experience and bring the wisdom into my daily life.

Meditation has been one of the most powerful tools. It brings me back to the stillness and insight I accessed during my journey, helping me stay present, grounded, and in tune with the energy flowing within and around me. I have come to understand that meditation is not about chasing answers but about learning to listen, sit with the questions, and connect to something beyond the mind.

Music has also played a huge role in my integration. Certain sounds, frequencies, and rhythms take me right back to the emotions and realisations I experienced. Whether through carefully curated playlists, sound healing, or simply letting music guide my state of mind, it has become a bridge between my psychedelic journeys and everyday life.

Creative expression has helped me make sense of what I have experienced in a way that feels tangible. Writing, storytelling, and other creative outlets allow me to stay connected to the depth of my journey and process insights in a way that feels real and lasting.

Community and deep conversations have been just as important. Being able to share my experiences with like-minded people, to have meaningful conversations, and to hear different perspectives has been incredibly grounding. It reminds me that I am not alone in this and that there is so much to learn from others.

Spending time in nature has also been a huge part of my integration. It helps me feel in sync with life, reminding me of the interconnectedness of everything. Being outdoors keeps me grounded while still holding space for the vastness of my experience.

Integration is not something that happens overnight; it is an ongoing journey that shapes how I live, create, and connect with the world around me. This realisation inspired me to create The Modern Psychonaut—a space to share knowledge, tools, and perspectives that may help others, whether they are on a similar path or simply exploring consciousness, self-discovery, and plant medicine. As my journey continues, my purpose remains clear: to hold space, foster connection, and share insight to those seeking their own truth.

If you could give advice to someone considering a similar journey, what would it be?

My biggest advice is to approach it with intention and respect. Plant medicines are powerful tools for self-discovery and healing, but they are not a quick fix or a shortcut. They have the potential to reveal deep truths, but it is up to you to integrate and apply those lessons in your daily life.

Set and setting matter more than you think. Ensure you are in a safe, comfortable environment where you feel supported, whether alone or with a trusted guide. Your mindset going into the experience plays a huge role, so take the time to reflect on your intentions and prepare mentally and emotionally.

Surrender to the experience. The more you resist, the harder it can be. These journeys often take you where you need to go, not necessarily where you want to go. Trust the process, even if it gets uncomfortable, and remind yourself that you are safe.

Integration is everything. The real work begins after the experience. Make time for reflection, meditation, or creative expression to process what you have learned. Talk to others who understand or seek out a supportive community to help you make sense of it all. The insights you gain are only valuable if you actively bring them into your life.

Be prepared for shifts in perspective. You may see the world, yourself, and your relationships differently afterward. This can be beautiful but also challenging as you adjust to new ways of thinking and being. Be patient with yourself and allow time for these changes to settle.

Respect the medicine. These substances are sacred to many cultures and should be treated with care. Do your research and remember that the journey is unique to each person.

Above all, trust yourself. If you feel called to this path, take your time, listen to your intuition, and step forward with awareness, an open mind, and an open heart.